Living with Uncertainty

Wow, eh?!

The last couple of weeks have been a lot to take in. We are in the middle of a pandemic, it’s all over the news, and it’s the only thing that we are talking about. In less than two weeks, our lives have been upended and we are struggling with how to make sense of what is going on and how to carry on.

It's hard to believe that we were doing "normal" things only a few weeks ago, like going to hockey games, getting together with friends, running into a grocery store well-stocked with toilet paper and not thinking twice about the abundance.

I’ve been feeling this strange feeling every day. The feeling that feels “different,” that we are in the midst of “unprecedented times,” that if we don’t try really hard to do what experts urge us to do, that Canada could be in the midst of a disaster like China, Italy, Spain and other countries in the world are, all from a virus that we can’t see, we don’t know where it is, but we’re all trying to protect ourselves from it. This is truly a lot to take in.

All of a sudden, our daily lives look really different. My most significant goal for the week is planning out meals so I can order groceries that will last us for a week. This is hard when you tend to forget things and end up having running backup lists of the things you forgot and still need. This is hard when you have chocolate cravings and are down to the last spoonful of Nutella. For many of us, we’re home with kids and trying out some sort of new routine with homeschooling. Some days are good, but others are pure frustration. By 6 p.m., I'm pretty exhausted.

Whenever I look in the mirror, I see a worried face. Lennon keeps apologizing to me, and when I ask why, he tells me that I look mad and he thought he did something wrong. “No, buddy, I’m not mad, this is just how I look now.”

{Oh no, my frown lines are deepening.}

 I will definitely need Botox when this is all over.

“When this is all over” is a phrase I’ve heard and said a few times over the past couple of days. Coronavirus is like a dark cloud, and we don’t know how far it stretches. We know it’ll be over some day, but we don’t know when. It’s shrouded in uncertainty; we're walking into the fog. 

These are certainly uncertain times. How long will this go on for? How long will we need to distance ourselves from one another? How long with the kids be out of school? How long will businesses remain closed? How bad will things get before they get better—where is the peak of the curve? Will I get coronavirus or do I know someone who will get it? What will the summer look like? What will the rest of this year look like? For how long will finances and the economy be affected by the pandemic?

The answer to all of these questions is the same: “We don’t know.” Nobody knows. We’re living in uncertain times. In a year, we will be able to look back and comment on what happened, but right now, it feels like a complete mystery.

Uncertainty welcomes fear, anxiety and worry in with a flourish: “Come on in! Make yourself comfortable! Sit down and stay awhile…let’s use our imaginations and create some worst-case scenarios!” This is how I tend to deal with uncertainty, and I’ve definitely had some panicky moments in the past couple of weeks. (Hormones make it even worse – “pandemic PMS” feels a bit apocalyptic.)

I feel, and maybe you do as well, that the uncertainty here is the hardest part to come to terms with. The not knowing what comes next. The news literally changes by the minute, and it’s all happening so fast that we are still reeling from what happened a week ago, not to mention what is happening right now. Being in a state of not knowing is so challenging and frustrating because there is no way to plan for anything past tomorrow.

The only thing we can really do is learn to be OK with uncertainty. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling, but we can accept the fact that we do not know exactly how things will turn out, and then maybe uncertainty won't feel as uncomfortable anymore.

This reminds me of when I was pregnant, and the only position I could sleep in around my huge belly was really awkward and really uncomfortable. I would lie on my side with one arm kind of wrapped around my chest and the other draped along the length of my body.  This frustrated me so much, and I remember being upset at first because it was so uncomfortable (being pregnant is far from comfortable as it is), so it took me a while to get used to sleeping that way. In the end, I just had to learn how to relax enough to sleep in a very uncomfortable position.

We can learn to live with this uncertainty without letting it destroy us with fear and worry. We can learn to relax in the face of a million questions.

So many people throughout the ages have lived through an unprecedented time and did not know what was going to happen next. We are here, living in this chapter of history, and we can’t do anything about it but accept it and trust that everything will be OK—that this will be over one day.

Because we are the ones living in this chapter of history, we have a responsibility associated with living in this time. We may not know exactly what it is right now (ask me in a year), but we can start with being honest with our feelings, helping in whatever way we can, putting on a smile for our kids and looking to God for guidance in these day-by-day times. Knowing that we have a place here in this moment gives a sense of purpose. We’re here for a reason, and even by just being here today, even if we don’t know what tomorrow brings, we are contributing to a moment in history.

If we can be OK with this feeling of discomfort, this feeling of uncertainty, instead of letting it catapult us into a state of fear and anxiety about the future, we can survive as best we can in “today.” It forces us to live in today, make the most of today and be grateful for what we have today.

What is helping me to come to terms with this uncertainty is putting my trust in God, completely. He knew this was going to happen. He loves us and He cares – He has a plan for each of us to get through this and come through at the other end with a positive outcome, both individually and collectively.

I’m really trying, every day, to practice trusting God and being OK with the uncertainty.

“I don’t know what the future may hold, but I know who holds the future.”

-Ralph Abernathy

Wishing you all safety and health during this time!