Purpose

I had a conversation about purpose with some friends the other day. The topic of “purpose” is one that I am passionate about; everyone has a purpose in life and it’s what gives us the motivation to continue when things get difficult, a sense of importance and significance, a reason to live. Purpose is the fuel that keeps us going; purpose is the baton we are given to carry.

You and I will have many purposes in our lives, and there may be one at any given time that feels more urgent or important than the others. Your talents and your strengths and your passions were given to you to help with your purpose. The place where you are today—what you are doing today—is helping you carry out your purpose.

For years, I have struggled with the meaning of purpose and what my personal “purpose” is. I always saw my life as an upward arc that would hopefully bring me to some big “purpose” in which all my dreams were realized, and then I would realize what it was that I was meant to do. I always worried that I was on the wrong path, headed in the wrong direction, behind other people, or that I might never figure out what it was that I was supposed to do, and then would end up missing out on some significant accomplishment.

I always saw it as some “big thing” on the horizon, just out of reach. It's been stressful.

Years ago, I was having a conversation about purpose with a wise friend of mine, who asked me, “What if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, right now? What if you’re already doing it?”

That honestly changed everything for me. Then my wise sister suggested the same thing to me during another similar conversation, months later, which resonated again. Then I realized that during all that time that I’ve spent praying and trying to decipher my purpose, I was actually already living it out; I was already doing it.

We can’t always see and we won’t always know how our existence, our actions and our words are affecting other people’s lives. People don’t always give positive feedback. We typically aren’t celebrated until after we die—and at that point, we won’t be there to hear how we impacted others.

But we do.

I absolutely love to see people living out their dreams and doing what they are passionate about. I love celebrating those “big things” with people—it’s one of the true joys of life. But just as much as that, I love to hear about the “little things” that people do: random acts of kindness, paying strangers compliments, being brave and acting on the gentle urging of that still, small voice inside that nudges us toward our purpose. These are not little things. These are big things.

I’m grateful to another wise friend for reminding me that as parents, our children are one of our big purposes in life. Sometimes I lose sight of that when parenting and caring for children feels like a lot of work and cuts in to the time during which I feel stressed that I need to be doing other things. But it’s true: being there and caring for our family and friends, our significant others, our children, is a huge purpose. If you can pop your head through the mountain of dirty diapers that you have changed, take a deep breath after cleaning up a dinner that took an hour to make but only 10 minutes to eat (for the millionth time), shut out the worrying and overthinking and just listen to your kids talk about whatever they are interested in, remember that you are carrying out a very significant purpose. You’ll never know how you impacted your kids or helped shape them into the people they are becoming, but it’s so important to be there for them because in what will feel like no time at all, that stage will be over and they will be making their own decisions and carrying out their own adult purposes.

Remember that as beautiful as it is to chase a dream, as satisfying as it is to work hard and achieve a goal, and as important as you feel when you are publicly recognized for something, that a lot of your life’s purpose is carried out in the cumulative effect of repetitive daily activities, in a simple action, in simple consistency, in just being there. The way that we connect with strangers and loved ones alike creates various ripple effects throughout our communities. We can’t see how everything connects, but I bet that God is looking down on the earth and sees a simply stunning collage of purposes, intertwining and glowing with light.

You’re here for a reason, and you’re carrying out your purpose. You are an inspiration to others and all of what you do doesn’t go unnoticed. There are many people who are affected by what you do, and it’s so important that you are here. Never forget that you have purpose, even if it’s just being you.

A Letter to Yourself on a Good Day

I’m having a bad day.

Maybe you are, too. Or maybe you're having a good day. Either way...there's something I'd like to say.

Bad days have several sources: situational, hormonal, depression-related, or just a day when things aren’t going well for you and your mood adjusts to the circumstances and snowballs into a Bad Day. You can’t avoid them, like you can’t avoid the rain falling on you in an open field, but you also don't have to drown within them.

Bad Days can descend on you like an itchy, acrylic black sweater that doesn’t breathe and feels more and more annoying as the day wears on, but it’s too tight that you feel like you can’t actually take it off.

I have good days, too—I’ve been lucky enough to have more good days than bad—and I’ll have them again. I love those good days. I love being alive on those good days. The acrylic sweater is gone and is replaced with a more breathable option, like cotton, and things feel light, airy, easy.

The difference between your mood and emotions, your way of reacting, your overall perspective on a good day vs. a bad day is striking. I sometimes have a hard time reconciling the vast difference. Bad days are like bad dreams that you can’t see outside of…the dreams during which you don’t realize you’re dreaming. When you wake up—once it’s over—the Bad Day can often seem inconsequential and insignificant—as though everything was a huge deal in the dream but then seems so silly when you look back it. Sometimes it doesn’t even make sense.

If you can take the time to focus on the reality that this is just a phase, whether it’s just a Bad Day or a Bad Month or a Bad Season, you can reach down into your heart and find the Good Day feeling. That’s you, and it’s always there. Believe me when I say it’s always there. It’s just being pushed down in favour of the dominant, wretched Bad Day feelings.

So how do you reconcile the differences? How do you reach out and link arms with the happiness and joy and the real you that is buried under the sadness?

Well, counselling or talking to someone is a great option—but you could start with this: when you’re having a good day, when you feel like you’re living out your life with purpose, when the stars seem to align and the birds are singing a sweet chorus and you feel the warmth of God’s love everywhere, when you recognize your value and when you feel happy and just want to help others out of that surplus, write yourself a letter.

Tell yourself how you really feel about yourself. Tell the truth. Remind yourself of how lucky you are and of all the things you have. Make a list of what you know you are truly thankful for. Tell yourself all the things you like about yourself. Tell yourself all the things you don’t love about yourself but you’ve accepted. Crack a joke. Dish out some wisdom. Reassure yourself that “the heart of life is good,” as John Mayer says, and that you’re going to be OK. You can become drenched in a rainstorm, but it’s just water; it will dry.

Within feelings of hopelessness, waves of crushing sadness, indecision, and scattered thoughts, it can be really hard to remember these things, yet it’s extremely crucial that you do. You know yourself better than anyone else does, so it stands to reason that you will know what you need to hear when you’re going through a rough time.

I did this for myself this year, and I’ve already gone back to that letter more than once. It has really helped.

We can struggle with reaching out to others and saying that we need help, and I would definitely recommend finding the courage to do it, but at the very least, as a small but meaningful start, you can have something written in your own hand, for your own self, reminding yourself of your value and your purpose. Remind yourself of the truth that exists underneath the storm clouds that threaten rain.

Friends, family, mentors and counsellors are all really important and can make a huge difference in helping you through bad days. Just don’t forget the strength you have within yourself, to help yourself gain perspective and emotional balance.

Write a letter to yourself on a good day, and read it on a bad day.