Happy Mother's Day!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have been thinking about what it's like being a mother in 2019.
Throughout history, mothers
have loved their children fiercely, with a love that’s hard to adequately describe,
and they have wanted their kids to be safe, strong, happy and healthy. Those
feelings and desires, however, have been affected by the moment those moms have
lived in history and the issues that they faced at the time, depending on the world
those moms have lived in, and where in the world they have lived. I don’t know
what it was like to be a mother in any age or any year before 2010, and I know
that every mother throughout the ages has struggled with different problems,
but what I can do today is describe what I feel it’s like to be a mom in 2019.
In talking with
friends and managing my own feelings, I have noticed some themes surrounding
motherhood in this current moment, and I want to acknowledge them here because
I think we can be really hard on ourselves as moms—I think we feel a particular
2019 sort of pressure—but together, we can work toward relieving that pressure.
Pressure—I certainly
feel a lot of pressure. Sitting like a heavy cloud, ready to rain, is the pressure
to be a badass, hardworking, hustling mom. Pressure to do all the things.
Pressure to plan kickass birthday parties, to look and feel your best, to feed
your kids all the right foods. Pressure to keep it together. Pressure to keep
up. Pressure to post great pictures. Pressure to #girlboss your way to the top
and take advantage of the opportunities that women have today, for which other
women have fought.
We have the Internet,
and thousands of moms who blog about their lives and even more thousands of
moms that comment with their opinions about things. There are quickly-passing
trends to follow and opinions to read about in order to make up your own mind
about anything and everything related to raising kids. What’s the safest car
seat? What should you feed your baby first? Should your baby sleep with you in
your room or in their own room? Should you vaccinate or not? How much screen
time should you allow? When should you give your kids their first phone?
There is so much
discussion, so much banter about motherhood and its surrounding issues that we’ve
created a lot of pressure live up to certain standards; otherwise, we can feel
like failures.
Being a mother in 2019
can also be very isolating.
We have social media. We
have Facebook, which “connects you with others.”
What they don’t
advertise is the side effects, which may include: comparison depression, lack
of absolute honesty (it’s just impossible), high risk of offending others, may
actually separate rather than connect, or feelings of anxiety and fear about
what’s going on in the world and what other people are doing that you aren’t
(but should you?) This only threatens to compound the pressure we’re already
feeling.
Platforms like
Facebook and Instagram were intended to connect us with others, but they can
often, ironically, isolate us from others. We can more easily default to
communicating through our phones and computers. It makes sense because when you
are home with the kids and can’t go out, you connect through social media. When
you are up at 2 a.m. feeding your baby, you go on Facebook. When you are up at
4:30 a.m. because you woke up worrying and you can’t sleep, you scroll through
Instagram. It seems like it takes a much greater, more conscious effort to make
plans to actually see someone face-to-face. It’s just easier to go online.
Life in general is
gradually feeling more isolated. We have self-checkouts, mobile orders and
grocery delivery, all very convenient things that I use, but they do remove us
another step from person-to-person interactions. We are encouraged to “visit us
online!” or “book your appointment online!” instead of picking up the phone and
calling to talk to a real person. We don’t call friends as much anymore; we
text them. If someone calls me who usually texts me, I worry that there’s an emergency.
And what’s going on in our phones? We’re
simultaneously in the middle of about 40 different text conversations or
message threads that never really begin and never really end. It’s distracting.
It can feel lonely.
A mother in 2019 also
has a lot to worry about. Every mom has had worries when it comes to her child
or children, and being a mother has probably been much more stressful in other
ages, but 2019 has its own stresses; 2019 has its own brand of anxiety.
Currently, there are staggering statistics about suicide in teens and young
adults, the continuation of cyber bullying, sex trafficking, the dangers and
effects of screen time and the creeps who post videos on YouTube that kids
watch. We have to worry about what to allow our kids to do online, how to
monitor their own social media accounts and who or what they may have been
exposed to on the Internet that they may or may not tell us about. These
Internet-related issues are parenting problems that our own mothers didn’t
have—so how are we supposed to know how to deal with them?
I want to point all of
this out because in this age of all of this pressure, the isolating world of
our phones, all of these choices we have to make, all of this commentary we
find ourselves reading online, all of these people we may offend, all of this
hustling we have to do—this “proverbial” hot mess we find ourselves in that is
2019—we can help each other. We can relieve the pressure. We can dismantle the
walls of isolation. We can support one another through these anxieties.
Go easier on yourself.
I don’t know what it’s like to be a mom before 2010, but I can say that being a
mom in 2019 comes with its own brand of hardships and challenges, and this
doesn’t mean that you’re not a good mom. You’re living your life; you’re doing
what you need to do, what you want to do, being the mom that only you
can be for your kids. It wasn’t a mistake that you ended up with the kids you
have. They ended up with you because you were the best one for the job.
Remember that even if
you live your life differently than someone else, you were both faced with many
of the same decisions.
Remember that we all
just want our kids to be OK.
Remember that mothers
have such a crucial, vital characteristic in common, which can be the point of
connection with any other mother: we love our kids, and that’s what matters the
most. It’s the quality of motherhood that has been innately within every mother
since the beginning of time.
Remember that this is
a LOT of pressure; we’re dealing with things that our parents didn’t have to
deal with. To any parents raising kids since the Internet was created: we’re
the first ones to navigate motherhood with the backdrop of the Internet.
Googling our kids’ maladies in the dark hours of the morning, only to find out
that it could be something more serious than just the flu. Wanting a few
minutes of peace and letting the kids play video games for another half an
hour, only to feel guilty about it later. Sending emails or booking appointments
on our phones while half-listening to our kids. Struggling to “have it all,”
whatever that means, and wondering why someone else on Instagram seems to have
it together, but we don’t. Comparing instead of connecting. Setting our sights
so high and feeling like failures when we can’t do the impossible.
Remember that we’re
all meant to do different things and be different people, and if you can’t or
don’t want to do what someone else does, well thank goodness; you are being who
you are supposed to be.
Remember that we need
community; we need face-to-face connection. Whatever you can manage, communicating
with someone—period—is so crucial to our well-being as individuals and as
mothers. Being part of a community relieves the pressures of motherhood.
We need to wrap our
arms around one another, encourage one another, love one another—be 2019
mothers with one another. If you need someone to talk to, I would be honoured
to listen.
I hope that
acknowledging what it’s like to be a mother in this particular age, this
particular millennium, century, decade and year, brings perspective and helps
to justify all of the pressures, all of the guilt, all of the 2019 brand of exhaustion
we face. If you had nothing else to do or to worry about except for the safety
and well-being of your children, life would be complicated and challenging. But
it’s more than that because we have a whole host of other things to worry about
and do and succeed at, all at the same time.
Cheers to you, raising
your kids in 2019. It’s a challenge we share, and if we don’t lose sight of it,
we can build a community based on it and thrive.
Very Nice Informative post. Know more about 7 Wonders Of The #World In 14 Min | #Waste To #Wonder Delhi
ReplyDelete7 Wonders Of The World In 14 Min | Waste To Wonder Delhi
#Subcriber